Good Words Gone Bad

Today I wrote the same scene twice, once from the hero’s point of view, and then again from the heroine’s. This was not an intentional exercise to serve some purpose in characterization or a practice in sensory description. This was simply a process in my writing, and one that happens to me all the time.

I was writing a scene of sexual tension, which is harder than other types of writing for me. The first go round came across as creepy, a male thinking about a female in inappropriate ways considering the situation. The second version, in the female point of view, still didn’t feel right, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. And then on the drive home from the coffee shop, I had an epiphany. I have the action happening in the wrong setting. Time for the third re-write. I have no doubt that will require several passes before I get it correct as well.

To me, that is the crux of what it is to be a writer. “To write is to re-write,” so they say. I think I generally delete about 75% of my very first words on the page. Even this blog has been an exercise in deletion. My first words are always so bad, I refuse to even call them a “first draft.”

So why do I keep at it? Because that moment of epiphany is like a drug, a moment of extreme satisfaction that goes beyond merely putting words to paper. And because I can’t not write. Writing, even re-writing, is a joy for me. The weight of my laptop is like a favorite blanket as I puzzle out the words on the page. Each piece has to fit perfectly against the next, until the entire picture becomes whole. Between the epiphany and the puzzle of words, I love the satisfaction of finally getting things “right.”

To all you other writers out there, here’s to inspiration and to getting things “write.”

FARKLING MY LIFE AWAY

Facebook, it’s everywhere. Everybody who’s anybody has a Facebook page. But, I’m old school and was resistant to hopping on that trend train. My fears of privacy and security warred with networking with other writers. After much encouragement from a few of my writer friends, I created a Boone Brux FB page. I rationalized away my fears by creating positive goals. I would open myself up to those that wanted to be my friend. I would support other writers by reading their blogs and books. I would develop a following of my own. Never could I have imagined the nefarious traps that waited within that den of temptation and time wasting.

If you have an addictive personality, Facebook is not the best place for you to spend your time. The first inkling that I might have a problem came when I began “friending” people. I received a thrill when a total stranger accepted me as their friend. The reason for this reaction probably has its roots buried deep within my junior high years. I started with people I knew, but quickly began taking the suggestions that Facebook provided. I had every intension of being a good friend, but as the numbers grew, the task became overwhelming. Then the guilt set in. Was I giving these people false hope that I would support everything they wrote and posted? I realized it was time for me to step back and reassess my friending. I received a few friend requests, which I happily accepted, but realized I was not being heavily pursued. That created a bittersweet reaction. No requests solved my urge to over friend, but I questioned my value as a Facebook friend. Like I needed more self-doubt.

Just about the time I’d gotten my friending under control, I found the applications. Oh you dirty scoundrels, tempting me with the promise of hours of pleasure. The first step I took down that path of mindless time wasting was Happy Aquarium. Wow, cyber fish, and I got money if I kept them fed, clean, and alive. I embraced Petey the penguin, Jaws the clown fish, and Calypso the crab. I made a home for them, loved them, and decorated their tank. But wait, what is this? I can look at my friend’s tanks? BIG MISTAKE! One of my friends had fabulous squid and aquatic paraphernalia, but her fish were hungry. Oh my God, her fish are starving, and her tank was dirty. Didn’t she check? Can I feed her fish for her? No? No? But I need to help. I need to save her fish!!!!!!! I sent her an urgent message, but still the fish went unfed. Finally, she popped up on the Facebook chat, which is a whole other blog, and I pleaded with her to feed her fish. She laughed as if it was nothing, and promised me she would. Whew, now I could go back to my writing.

But wait, somebody sent me an invitation to start my own zoo. Oh, I love animals. And so, the vicious cycle began. I adopted every animal possible, bought kiosks, hired help, found lost gold, shook my money trees. I even made another Facebook page under my real name so that I could adopt animals from myself. As you can see, I was sinking into the abyss of applications. However, my downward slid was not done yet. Tikki farms appeared, Happy Fish, yes more fish, and the Fairy Garden. How many hours a day was I spending feeding my fish, adopting animals, looking for gold, and harvesting my crops? It got worse. My friend sent me free chips to play virtual slot machines, Texas Hold’em, Word Challenge, Trivia Challenge, and the worst of all…Farkle. If you’ve never played Farkle, don’t start. Hours I’ve wasted Farkling my day away.

This was a problem. Where was my manuscript? Where had the characters of my imagination gone? What day was it? When had I last eaten? Why were my kids still at home? Had I forgotten to take them to the bus? I was only moving from my computer to get more coffee and pee. When I finally shook the hypnotic hold that Facebook applications held over me, I knew I had to do something drastic. Delete, delete, delete. Gone went Word Challenge, gone went Happy Fish, and yes, bye, bye Farkle. I stood up from my chair like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I shook my legs, trying to get the feeling to return to my butt cheeks and feet. Stretching, I smiled. I had done it. I had walked through the valley of FB applications. I had stared down the throat of the time-suck monster, and I had survived. I shut off my coffeepot, showered, rinsing the sticky residue of Facebook desire from my body, and drove to the store to buy groceries. A new day had dawned. The sun kissed my face and I smiled, knowing that I was a stronger, wiser, writer having Farkled and survived.

My New New Year's Resolutions

So, I’ve thought a lot about this over the past few weeks—the pros and cons of New Year’s Resolutions—and I’d pretty much talked myself out of doing any for the year. Let’s face it…most of the time they fail and I’ve had the same freakin’ resolutions for the past ump-teen years (lose weight, write more, get organized). What’s the point? I’d decided to go into 2010 just keeping in mind that I really needed to do all these things but I wasn’t going to do a “resolution” or start a new plan or suddenly jump back to Weight Watchers (cuz you know the lines are huge the first week in January).

Then, I found myself walking through the bookstore. I was just there to get a cup of tea but I was on my phone with a friend who was telling me about how stressful her Christmas had turned out to be. I couldn’t find a way to break into the conversation while I ordered a 16-oz English Breakfast tea with room for cream, so I wandered the store.

I skimmed across the new books and saw one on getting organized. I’ve bought a half a dozen of these kinds of books over the years and never make it through. Who has time to read all this stuff? I need to be organized now!! Well, this book is split out into weeks and every week you do one bit of organizing. Means I don’t have to read the whole book until I’m doing each section. I like that.

Then my wanderings continued and I found myself in health and fitness. Sigh. All the books and plans and I almost walked away. I’ve tried a bunch, I know I should work out, I know I should eat better.

But then a realization hit me…at the end of 2010, I might not be a svelte, organized, writing mogul but you know, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. And even if I don’t completely succeed, any sort of effort will mean improvement. I know from experience, I won’t follow a strict meal plan to lose weight but if it stops me from hitting the donut cart twice a week, that’s a good thing.

I walked out of the store with 2 books—one to be organized and one to improve my fitness/health. I’m not calling them “new year’s resolutions” (the last time I was “resolved” about anything I was in debate class) and I’m not going to begin today (a Friday morning just seems like a bad time to change your world). I might not succeed but I’ll have made an effort and that counts for something. Who knows? By this time next year, I might be able to see the top of my desk. There’s always a chance.

Happy New Year!
Tielle

And the Blatant Self-Promotion Side Note
Taking Shape is now available from Ellora’s Cave! You can read a hot, sexy excerpt at my blog.

New Year's Thoughts

January is almost here, so it’s time to consider New Year’s thoughts. One of mine is that different people define the year differently. For teachers and students, fall is the start of the school year, the time for new hopes and plans, and resolutions/promises to do things better this time around. January First is a reflective pause between semesters. For fishermen, tourism staff, and other seasonal workers here in Alaska, the practical beginning of the year starts at the beginning of the season. January is the time to do some planning and dreaming, but things don’t really start until spring or summer.

For those of us who live by the seasons, Winter Solstice is important because it signals the gain of daylight. (Tielle explained it in more detail in her recent blog post.) I’m one of those people who starts counting down to Solstice early in December. That feels like a renewal or beginning to me. New Year's is a bonus.

New Year’s Eve is a good time to celebrate our hopes and wishes for ourselves and our loved ones, even if it’s not really the beginning of the year for some of us. Some years it’s felt like, whew, we made it through that rough year. Let’s hope for a better one next time. Other years it's felt more like a celebration. It is still a good time to reflect, and make plans or wishes for the new year. Most of the world seems to revolve around the calendar year now, so we might as well go with the group on this one. So I’ll take a minute as I toast my husband with the traditional champagne glass, and count my blessings and make a wish for 2010. May it be the best year ever for you and your loved ones.

Happy Solstice!

It’s Winter Solstice for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere. And every year they announce on the news that the Solstice occurs at (this) date and time. For 2009, it’s December 21, 8:47 AM Alaska Standard Time. (Alaska’s one hour behind Pacific time to calculate the solstice in your area).

I’d always thought of the solstice as the day—the longest or shortest day of the year. So what did the time mean? This year, I decided to find out. It might be common knowledge to the rest of you but I found it quite fascinating. The time indicates the exact moment when the sun’s rays hit (at a 90 degree angle) the Tropic of Capricorn. That’s the farthest south point the sun’s rays can be directly overhead. The Summer Solstice occurs when the sun’s rays are directly overhead the Tropic of Cancer.

Today is also the time when sun’s rays do not hit the Arctic Circle and they experience 24-hours of darkness.

Some ancient cultures and religions celebrate this day as the start of the New Year, the return of the Sun God.
For many areas, this day officially “starts” Winter.

For Alaskans, we’ve been experiencing “winter” for two months now and what this day means is…we start gaining sunlight. Just a little. Tomorrow we’ll probably gain about 10 seconds. Doesn’t matter. It’s more sunlight. And when you live in a dark climate, every little bit of sunlight helps!

Let the sun shine in! And Happy Christmas!


Total Side Note:
Taking Shape is being re-released on January 1, 2010. It was originally part of the Transformations Anthology. Check it out. It’s funny and sexy and I had a great time writing this story.

Blurb
As a shapeshifter, Nick Conner can turn into anything or anyone he touches. Along with his brothers and sister, he uses this unique gift for private investigations. But something about their newest case doesn’t sit right. Their client isn’t being honest and their target, Tally, seems way too sweet to be a crook.

Or maybe it’s that Nick wants her to be innocent.

But now he has an even bigger challenge on his hands. He’s made love to Tally in another man’s form—how can he convince her to love the man he truly is

THE BURDEN OF NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

Each year, as New Year’s Eve approaches, my mind shifts into overdrive, and all rational reasoning flees. Somewhere in the sands of time, the law of New Year’s Resolutions is written. Somewhere deep within my genetic makeup is a primitive creature that answers to this law every year. With all sensible thought gone, I construct a “Must Do” or “Goal List” as long as the Alaskan Highway. I know as I write goal #256 on my paper that I will probably not get past tasks #15, if I’m lucky. So this year I asked myself, “Why do I do it?” I know how the course of events will unfold. I’ll be optimistic and motivated in January. By March, my suspicions that I won’t be completing all my tasks begin to creep in. And by June, I am prostrate on the ground in self-condemnation.

I was surprised to find that a mythical king of early Rome, and not a woman, created the tradition of New Year’s Resolutions. After all, resolutions seem like the type of torture a woman would heap upon herself, much like high heels and Spanx. I do want to point out that my research said a mythical king named Janus. Hello, this smacks of woman to me. It’s said he had two faces, one to look to the past, and one to look to the future. If this isn’t woman, I don’t know what is. I believe this is where the term “eyes in the back of her head” came from. Thanks King Janus for providing us with scheduled emotional baggage.

King Janus may have been the first for resolutions, but the celebration of the New Year has been raging for centuries. This year, I choose to throw off my burden of trying to achieve the unachievable. Instead I will bask in the ancient tradition of ringing in the new year with friend, food, and wine. I will embrace the belief that everything will be okay in 2010 if my linen closet isn’t organized, or I don’t get my bathroom painted, or I don’t achieve that super-model body. No, this year I am looking to other countries for their traditions. I notice I gravitate toward the ones where food and alcohol are involved.

In Norway, they make rice pudding and hide an almond inside. Guaranteed wealth goes to the person whose serving has it. I’ll take two helpings.

In Australia, they roast a suckling pig as a symbol of good luck. Often times it’s accompanied by green peppermint ice cream in the shape of a four-leaf clover. Seriously, pork and ice cream, the only thing I can think of that could make it better is to add chocolate and wine.

In Sicily, they say it’s good luck to eat lasagna. I’m going to keep this tradition going all year long.

In Haiti it’s tradition to wear new clothing and exchange gifts. I don’t know about you, but this screams “shopping” to me, and that’s always a good thing.

In Spain you eat twelve grapes when the clock strikes midnight to ring in twelve months of good luck. Good luck and a full serving of fruit, I’m feeling better already. Peruvians add a thirteenth grape to ensure good luck. If twelve is good, thirteen must be better. Kind of like doughnuts.

In Greece bread is baked with a coin buried in the dough. The first slice is for the Christ child, the second for the father of the household, and the third slice is for the house. If the third slice holds the coin, spring will come early. I particularly like this tradition. First of all, Jesus can have the heel of the bread. He’s welcome to it. Second, I live in Alaska, so any chance of bringing spring early, I’m doing it.

So King Janus, you can keep your old New Year’s Resolutions. As for me, I’m ringing in the new year with Lasagna, hot bread (minus the heel), and rice pudding. 2010 is already looking bright.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Doll by Juniper Bell

Hi everyone - My first book with Samhain Publishing, a red-hot contemporary erotic romance called "Doll," comes out on December 15. This book would never have seen the light of day without the AKRWA critique group. I'm so grateful for their help -- I even got great feedback from one member's husband! So here's to you all -- you know how much I love you. And now a little bit about "Doll":

Even a plaything can be pushed too far…

Chloe Barnes thought her marriage to a wealthy politician would be the stuff of fairy tales. Instead, he took advantage of her naiveté and used her as a plaything to fulfill his twisted sexual needs. Ten years is enough. She returns to Bellhaven Island to sell the summer cottage she inherited, hoping the money will buy her freedom—and custody of her daughters.

Fisherman Dustin McDougal never forgot the childhood crush he once had on the fairy-like Chloe. The woman she’s become has a haunted look that brings his feelings back, stronger than ever…with a mature edge. Along with all his protective instincts.

Their passion blows stronger than a Maine nor’easter, awakening Chloe to the joy of true love. Yet it may not be strong enough to free her from the past…

Read an excerpt here or click here to purchase "Doll" on December 15.

Thank you for letting me share my excitement about this book release! Happy Holidays!

Juniper Bell